The Soft T-Shirt Formula: Debunked

I LOVE t-shirts.  I love cut-up t-shirts.  I love soft, cut-up t-shirts.  The absolute worst thing is when you get a t-shirt and it’s that horrible stiff material.  Makes you want to throw a tantrum and start whining, right?

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I hate stiff t-shirts more than anything else in the world (she says for dramatic purposes).  I recently got the cutest t-shirt from Etsy, themed with my current obsession– Hamilton, The Musical!  (Side note: if you haven’t ever listened to the soundtrack to Hamilton or don’t even know what it is, go do yourself a favor.  It’ll change your life.  For real.)

The t-shirt [finally] arrived after waiting 3 friggin weeks for it.  It was like Christmas morning (or as much as a Jew can related to Christmas morning)!  I tore the package open only to be sorely disappointed in what I found.  Yeah, the shirt was cute but the material was horrifying.  So stiff, crunchy almost.  Why can’t every shirt in the universe be a tri-blend ultra soft t-shirt?  Who would object to that law being passed?  Anyone? Anyone?

So, I set off to the all-knowing Google.com to search my way into a softer t-shirt.  Search: “how the fuck do I soften up a stiff t-shirt?”  This one blog kept on coming up telling me that all it takes is a bucket of water, a whole lot of salt and 3 days.  I can do that!  Woo hoo!

So, I got out my bucket, dumped a shit ton of salt in it (I used a combination of regular salt and pickling salt cause I figured pickling salt would be even better.  I really know nothing about salt). I put the shirt in and left it alone for 3.5 days.  Added the extra 1/2 day just in case.

Took it out and put it in the washer and then the dryer – in that order, in case you get confused.

Results: Nada.  Nothing.  No results.  Nothing changed.  Mother-fucking stupid ass advice blogs (heh heh)

Where do we go from here?  But of course! The DIY mecca, Pinterest!  Well, they MUST know what they’re doing, right?  Ha!  Well, well, among all the salty suggestions, someone else recommends a vinegar bath instead.  Ok, well, I just happen to have a couple gallons of vinegar just laying around the house (no joke).  I fill up the reliable old bucket once again, but this time with just a shit ton of vinegar.  White vinegar, by the way.  I would assume that any other vinegar would stain a shirt but I’ve not tested the theory.

Ok, so vinegar and the t-shirt in a bucket.  The post-er had recommended 9 hours.  I did it for 24-hours just to be sure.  Got it out of the bucket, held my nose the whole time and put it in, yet, another wash cycle.

Results: Guess the fuck what?!  Nothing.  It’s still EXACTLY the same.

I would implore anyone with insight to please comment on this blog.  I will literally try [almost] anything once!

 

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